ART DESIGNS FOR T SHIRTS

On Saturday (after the birdbath episode) we went to Onoway to celebrate "Heritage Days."

After a pancake breakfast (notable because I could actually hear my arteries hardening) we took a pre-parade stroll downtown.

Two men stumbled down the street. One of them was sort of wearing a shirt and I suspect they had been up all night...maybe a couple of nights. They were discussing how unfair it was that they had to pick "him" up at the airport. (Actually the word "firetruck" and "firetrucking" in a significantly shortened (and frankly shocking) form featured prominently in their conversation as both noun AND verb and an adverb...maybe...)

Another man wearing huge silver earphones, was listening to Johnny Cash. I know this because he broke out into muttering but occasional song: "I've been everywhere...mmmm nummmmber...oh yeah...brrrummmbbb....grrrraaabooobah"

A man walked by with an enormous Tim Horton's coffee cup. (For our American friends, Tim Horton's is a national institution right up there with beavers and maple leaves.) We are talking a freaking GINORMOUS cup. He was pushing a stroller and hanging onto another kid.

"Now THAT'S a cup of coffee," I observe shrewdly.

He laughs. "I only get one cup a day."

"Don't expect to sleep until February," I quip cleverly.

"I don't. Where do you think these kids came from?"

I smile even though I am not entirely sure what he meant but I have the suspicion he's just said something dirty.

A few minutes later we were at the pre-parade parking lot, where all the floats and marching bands, kids and tractors and horses are waiting for the green light. Sheree took off to charm the troops on the Buffalo -- a land mine removal vehicle...that cost FOUR MILLION DOLLARS. I am thinking that if the Canadian government has just spent four MILLION dollars on a big truck, they should probably sent it to the middle east since I don't think there are a lot of land mines needing emergency removal around Onoway...doesn't smack of 'bang for the buck' -- pardon the pun.

Anyway, a few minutes later I am standing by the float for a Minor Hockey League team. Seven little guys are sweating buckets as they stand on the back of a small trailer in full hockey gear. They are supposed to pretend to slap the puck around. The two nets are maybe two and a half feet apart.

All eight of us are watching the beginning of a potentially entertaining exchange between two coaches.

"You didn't bring the speakers?" demands a florid round man in a way-too-tight blue jacket. 'Head Coach' is written in cursive font on the breast.

"I forgot," says a little man with nervous eyes. His jacket says 'Asst Coach.' (It's gotta suck to be an 'asst.') These words are written in ugly block letters.

The big man looks at the little man disbelievingly. "What are we supposed to do for MUSIC?"

The little guy looks trapped and unhappy. "I can...play the CD."

"...a CD???" The big guy's face is turning a bright red.

The little guy gets into the van that will propel this minor league team into the scrutiny of the assembled people Onoway. The BIG show. Already several dozen have thronged the streets in eager anticipation of the coming spectacle.

The little guy turns the key and cranks up the radio.

"PUT ME IN COACH...I'M READY TO PLAY TODAY!!!" comes the tune.

Relief floods the big guy's face. He actually smiles.

"That'll work," he says.

"WHAT?" calls the little guy, cupping one hand to his ear.

"I said THAT'LL WORK!!!" calls the big guy. When the little guy frowns and shrugs, the big guy gives him a thumbs up sign. The little guy almost crumples in relief.

The big guy goes off to micro-manage the kids on the float, John Fogerty continues singing about baseball...on a hockey float.

This little girl was less than three and a half feet tall. She was with a precision marching band that wasn't.

But you know something? I loved every minute of my time in Onoway. Every cotton picking minute.

Purchase tickets today for music super-group the B-52s, headlining the Friends of the National Zoo’s first-ever Rock ’n’ Roar concert fundraiser, sponsored by Capital One Bank. Best known as the World’s Greatest Party Band and for their smash hit “Love Shack,” the B-52s will take the stage on the Smithsonian’s National Zoo’s Lion/Tiger Hill at 7 p.m. on Aug. 10. All proceeds from the concert support animal care, conservation, science, education, and sustainability programs at the Zoo.

Tickets for the concert are limited and can be purchased on the Zoo’s website. General admission ticket prices are $50 for FONZ members and $65 for nonmembers. Special VIP tickets are also available for $125 and include entrance to a private reception area, priority seating in front of the stage, dinner provided by the Whole Foods Market “Love Shack,” drinks, a commemorative T-shirt, and exclusive viewing of the Zoo’s lion pride at dusk.

“We are so excited and pleased to welcome the B-52s to headline our first-ever concert fundraiser, appropriately named ‘Rock ’n’ Roar’ to match the Zoo’s unique venue,” said Bob Lamb, executive director of Friends of the National Zoo. “We know the B-52s will be a strong draw for the DC Metro area, and we hope to continue our exhilarating concert experience for many summers to come to further the Zoo’s outstanding conservation and outreach work.”

Formed on an October night in 1976 following drinks at an Athens, GA, Chinese restaurant, the B-52s played their first gig at a friend's house on Valentine's Day in 1977. Naming themselves after Southern slang for exaggerated "bouffant" hairdos, the newly-christened B-52s—consisting of Fred Schneider, Kate Pierson, Keith Strickland, Cindy Wilson and Ricky Wilson—began taking weekend road trips to New York City for shows at a handful of venues. Before long, a record deal followed and their self-titled debut disc sold more than 500,000 copies on the strength of their first singles, the classic "Rock Lobster," and "52 Girls."

Today the group, now consisting of Schneider, Pierson, Strickland and Cindy Wilson, have continued to produce records and tour, entertaining enthusiastic fans across the country with their combination of rock’n’roll, funk and retro-hip music.

Seating for Rock ’n’ Roar will be considered “lawn seating” on the grassy area of Lion/Tiger Hill and will be available on a first come, first serve basis, beginning at 6 p.m. VIP ticket holders will receive priority seating in front of the stage. All are encouraged to bring low-seated lawn/beach chairs or blankets to use during the concert. All adults and children ages two and older require tickets. Food and beverages will be available for purchase at the Zoo during the concert. Parking is free. The concert will be held rain or shine.

Sponsors of Rock ’n’ Roar include Capital One Bank (presenting sponsor), Whole Foods Market, metromix.com and Mix 107.3 FM.

Photo Credit: Mehgan Murphy, Smithsonian's National Zoo

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